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“On Pledge Emails”

Dear Democrat,

Do you like celebrities? Well celebrities like you if you like Barack Obama! To prove it, we’re holding a special donation pleasure raffle for you to have dinner with Mr.//Mrs. Hot N’ Sexy TV celebrity audience award. Pledge today, and prepare to update your profile picutre!

Sincerely,
Fellow Democrat

Dear Republican,

Freedom. Can’t we all agree it’s never free? I know I can. And so can you. With your donation, you’ll be ensuring freedom’s continued scarcity in a freedom-hungry market! Get on board, and ride this America rocket all the way to the top!

Sincerely,
Republican Operative

Dear Democrat,

Our analytics indicate you were checking out some Republican emails. Aren’t they precious? We know you’re into the party of cool, so check this: Barack Obama, out with a new album: ‘The ‘O’ssentials” So in Love,” a collection of soul classics sung by Barack and produced by Stevie Wonder! Go here to check out the Vevo video, and remember: always be pledging!

Sincerely,
Senior Publicist

Dear Republican,

The values of our Forefather’s, the values of our corporations and the values of our heartland, all stitched together in one unambiguous disaster. Click the link below to keep the gears churning!

Sincerely,
Mephistopheles

Dearest Democrat,

You, Progressive, in-the-know, smart, good-person, you. Trendy, fashionable, and deeply caring, good jeans and nice hair. Donation negates anxiety, converts shame, creates confidence. Sunny day, smart car, NPR, rooftop bar.

Sincerely,
Our focus-tested opinion of you

Dear Republican,

Honor. Bravery. Pride. Mitt Romney. Values. Fear. Destruction. Election. Money. Regret. Revenge.

Regards,
Republican