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Click to read terrible metaphors culled from high school essays, such as this one: ” She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.”

My favorites after the jump:

–He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

–The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

–John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

–The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

–He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.